I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Who died my cat blue again?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize