I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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