So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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