My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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