You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
