Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
When are your genitals available?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
