the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
