My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
