so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
