Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
