I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
