btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
