Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My brain says no but my pants say off.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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