I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
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you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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