guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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