sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
