I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
