one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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