I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
