I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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