I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
