you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
there is puke in my bra ... again
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
