I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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