You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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