youre lurking in front of me
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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