Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
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