So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
