Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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