I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
