A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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