I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
