I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
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Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
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she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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