he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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