everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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