every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Randomize
