And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
