My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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