i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize