it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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