Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
