I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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