just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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