So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
