Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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