he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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