I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
