My room smells like vodka and shame
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
