you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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