Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
