You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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