Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Randomize
