yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
