i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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