If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
