How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
