good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
nutella sex= disaster
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You made out with two different species that night
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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