The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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