I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
