I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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