What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately