the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
