I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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