shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.