I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.