he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My cat gives me a boner
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.