Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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