Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
