we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
