yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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