He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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