U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
