he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
