Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
