$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
