Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
