upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
