So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
