Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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