The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
