Just fell off a train. Bad.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
