You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
