I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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