can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
