Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
