just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
