Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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