if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
