well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
